Saving A Marriage Help

Archive for December 10th, 2009

Every marriage has its share of ups and downs. But what if you and your spouse have been having more than your share of downs? Now is not the time to give up. Each marriage is unique; therefore, there can be several causes for conflict in each marriage. The first step is to identify what the problem is. Here you will find the best marriage help solutions to get your relationship back on track!

Rather than focusing on the amount of conflict you and your spouse may be experiencing, marriage experts say it is more important to focus on your management of those conflicts. In order to successfully overcome conflicts that arise in your relationship, there are two marriage help tips that can help resolve them. The first tip is to define what the issue is clearly. Most couples find themselves fighting too much, not knowing the exact reason why. The issue could be small or big – it does not matter. They just find themselves arguing on a regular basis about anything. You can reduce the frequency of bickering in your marriage by consciously asking each other what the fight is about when you feel the tension already building up.

This will help you both to understand the issue better. Understand that marital arguments only become habitual when the source of your conflicts is not defined or identified. The next marriage help tip is to state directly what you are feeling. It can often become a conflict when you indirectly state your feelings to your spouse. This often results in accusations which will often lead to other conflicts. In order to state your feelings better, use the statement “When (situation), and you (action), I feel (feelings).” This will redirect your spouse’s and your attention to how you are feeling and not make your spouse feel accused. There should be a conscious decision to make on whether you should tell your spouse your initial reaction or not. To avoid conflicts, it is much better to think about how you should state your feelings first.

Another effective marriage help tip is to take a “we” approach instead of a “me” approach. Happily married couples are usually those who are good at communication and resolving a conflict when the arguments start to become heated. This is much easier to do when you view each other as partners instead of enemies whenever you are experiencing a conflict in your relationship. Whenever you are engaged in an argument, do not stray away from the subject of the conflict. This is a common mistake that can often lead to bigger fights. Also, no one should ever resort to bullying whether it is physically, emotionally, or mentally. Do not instill fear in your spouse. There should never be a winner or a loser in an argument that you have with your spouse. Always remember that you are in this relationship together.

You can always reduce the pain and amount of conflicts in your marriage by practicing and incorporating these marriage help tips into your relationship. Do not let the bad habits get in the way and always remember that you are much stronger than the arguments or conflicts that you have. You are a team.

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Regardless of the type of divorce process you choose to use, it is important to identify your marital estate. The marital estate is defined by the South Carolina Equitable Apportionment Statute and generally comprises all assets and debts acquired by either party during the marriage, regardless of title. As you can guess, there are numerous exceptions to this rule, so discuss this issue carefully with your attorney. For starters, however, you should begin to gather the following information, regardless of how it was obtained or who obtained it, as long as it was obtained during the marriage. Gather information on an asset used during the marriage, regardless of when it was obtained.

An example of an “asset” would be your residence, a car, a boat, a valuable piece of artwork, a retirement account, or an investment account. An asset is anything that is worth money! Don’t worry about loans on the assets (such as your mortgage or a car loan), because you will be listing all of these debts separately. The result will be your “net” marital estate.

Here is a brief checklist to help guide you with this process. It is by no means a comprehensive list, so anticipate that your attorney will need more information, but it is a good starting place.

Income/ Assets:

• Income tax returns for the previous five years

• Retirement account statements; one from the date of marriage, one current.

• Estimated valuation of all real estate acquired during the marriage

• Estimated value of the marital residence, if owned

• Statements from current investment accounts

• Statements from college savings accounts for minor children

• Estimated (Blue Book) value of all automobiles

• Itemization of all valuable artwork, jewelry, etc. with estimate of values

• Copies of all trusts

• Copies of all whole life insurance policies or annuities

• Recent statements from whole life and annuity policies

• Copies of all corporate papers; Sub S Corp’s, LLC’s etc.

Debts

• Current credit card statements

• Current mortgage balances (1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc….)

• Automobile loans

• Promissory notes

• Student loans

• Secured loans

• Other debts and obligations (unsecured)

In complicated cases, a financial professional is helpful to assist in establishing the value of the marital estate. In the more straightforward cases, you and your lawyer can establish the values using and Excell or Numbers spreadsheet, or just a pencil and paper!

The bottom line is that you want to identify everything that was obtained during the marriage, or used as marital property during the marriage regardless of how it was obtained.

HOT TIP: You will also want to have this information very well organized for your attorney or financial professional. You pay these people by the hour, so the less time they need to spend organizing your financial matters, the less money you will pay for this service!